I’ll tell you now and I’ll tell you firmly
I don’t never want to go to Burnley
What they do there don’t concern me
Why would anybody make the journey?

I’ll tell you know and I’ll tell you flatly
I don’t never want to go to Gatley
I don’t even want to go to Batley
Where is that place exactly

Do I wanna to go to Redditch?
I wouldn’t visit in a souped-up sheddish
what am I some kind of Nebbish?
No I don’t want to go to Reddish

I’ll tell you now and I’ll tell you briefley
I don’t never want to go to Keighley
I’ll tell you now, just like I told Elsa Lanchester…
I don’t ever want to go to… Cumbernauld

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